Floundering In The Fog
Yesterday I was in a thick fog of thinking. I woke up to find I couldn’t move my fingers on my left hand the tendons felt they would snap, my wrist was also locked up, soft tissue around my ankles and shoulders was also tight and the pain was immense.
In that sleepy state I freaked out and it all took a dive from there. Monkey mind took off with recurring thoughts of “I don’t want to go through all this again” etc I was tearful and fearful. The penguin walk re-appeared my ankles were inflexible going down the stairs. I had an early morning Pilates client on zoom & felt like the most unbendiest (is that even a word?) Pilates coach around to the extent I thought “what must they be thinking?”
Turns out she thought the session was absolutely brilliant. She felt challenged, she felt stronger, she felt clear headed and said she felt amazing from the inside out.
I sat there stunned, there was me with all my focus on the discomfort running through my body and the ever rattling thought of “not again, I won’t allow it, this is not happening”.
I felt disappointed, angry and frustrated with myself as I pulled out the KT tape having not used it for a year. I was bummed out. So I went for a walk, we needed some milk.
My New Teacher
We’ve a corner shop 5 mins walk from our house. It took me 15 mins to penguin walk my way there in the sunshine. It took another 15 mins to penguin walk back, only on the way back I had a pigeon escort. A pigeon with a limp. I noticed he had one leg slightly twisted round resulting in a weird gait. We probably made for an unlikely couple.
I started to laugh. Not at the pigeon but at what that little pigeon taught me in that moment.
That little pigeon made a choice to walk/hop not fly.
Then it hit me. I had made a choice in the morning to disappear into the shroud of foggy thinking of past experience. In that moment with that pigeon it hit me - what if I just allowed myself to feel what I was feeling, what if I let go and allowed whatever it was to happen and just be ok with it. So I did. I realized what was driving this episode and I made a choice to view things differently.
Lesson Learned
This morning whilst my ankles were stiff they were less painful, my fingers were mobile and my shoulders weren’t too bad. I walked to the corner shop and back in 10 mins total. It was enough to lift me even higher.
Yesterday that little pigeon’s wings worked fine because it flew off.
Teachers arrive in many forms and just when you need it.