How Does Anxiety Show Up For You?
Does it give you the symptoms described on most health related websites – PLEASE STOP LOOKING!
Does it give you a short sharp wake up call?
Or does it give you a long session which seems to go on forever?
Does it make you feel exhausted after?
Does it make you ache after?
Does it make you feel crap?
Last night I woke up in the early hours of the morning in a full on anxiety attack – I WOKE UP IN AN ANXIETY ATTACK – how the heck does THAT work?
NIGHTMARE
It appears I had a nightmare that I wasn’t actually aware of but my subconscious obviously was & I woke to feeling it in all its glory, to the extent I was at one point calculating how long it could possibly take an ambulance to reach me I really thought I was on my way out of this realm. Then I thought, heck I need to give someone a note of all my passwords so they can shut things down, no one knows what they are (for good reason when you think about it) and on and on and on with the weird thinking. The more intense my thoughts got, the more intense the feelings became.
I’d gone to bed really tired, but in a good relaxed feeling so I was somewhat baffled where this had come from.
I do not need to know where it came from home. I know where it came from. I do not need to go digging for answers – I am the answer.
I’ve had too much thinking of late about a lot of things so much so that my body’s way of bringing me back to the here & now is quite a nasty jolt.
My body throws everything at me to take me out of my erratic, wild thinking and quite frankly I’ve had enough now. I’ve had bouts of chronic pain since February due to tendonitis exacerbated by a rather wonky spine which makes things tight.
Tight in my back.
Tight in my shoulders.
Tight in my chest.
I AM THE SOURCE. I AM THE ANSWER
So last night although I had no pain in my chest, everything was so tight. This morning I stretched & it felt so much easier after. See previous post is exercise medicine for the body
Amazing isn’t it? How the body can give you such a jolt for a very good reason. I said I was the answer. I am the source of the anxiety. And I can tame the anxiety.
IT cannot do anything to me.
IT has no power over me.
Yet IT is truly an amazing tool – it’s a barometer to a human’s level of thinking, or more to the point the speed of a human’s thinking.
I brought on the attack by having some kind of bad dream – generated by my deep subconscious thoughts.
I made the attack worse by continually thinking I was on my way out.
I made the attack worse by stiffening my whole body trying to stop shaking only for it to make me ache all the more.
I made the attack stop when I realized what I was doing, when I realized what I was thinking.
I am a human being not a human doing. I wasn’t being present. I was everywhere else but present.
ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY TO CHANGE
Then a light bulb went on. I accepted it for what it was.
I’ll say that again...
I accepted it for what it was.
As soon as I accepted it I started to calm down, my breathing became calmer, my racing, pounding heart came back to a regular rhythm and I warmed up, stopped shaking, the chills passed and I felt grateful. 45 minutes after waking up I was back in the present moment.
This morning I felt like I’d run a marathon & a little off kilter due to lack of sleep, but otherwise all was well with me.
As I was typing this I could feel it welling up again and then I had to smile to myself. Do you see? I was THINKING about an experience that was several hours in the PAST and I was re-creating the crappy feelings in the NOW all with the power of THOUGHT.
Freaking awesome really isn’t it?! I think so! I’m dragging a past experience into the present moment, projecting it into the future & scaring myself silly in the process.
The past event doesn’t have to be that long ago – it could be 5 minutes ago, it’s still the past. It cannot be recreated physically, only recreated mentally with the power of thought.
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
But today, the here & now, is a gift
That’s why it’s called
The Present