Loss

Losing a loved one

Now a loved one here can mean another human being or an animal friend. 

When you lose something your mind immediately goes to default mode – “loss means you feel lousy, loss is difficult, etc I don’t want to go there”

Why is it so many humans struggle to lose weight?  Because of the negative connotation.  Change the thoughts & words you change the outcome.

So for me suddenly losing our beautiful beloved long haired tortie cat, Dapple, I was initially shocked & grief stricken, we all were, she’d been to the vet one weekend with an Achilles tendon issue, the following weekend she passed away suddenly.

But she taught me something so valuable that I didn’t really see it before. 

Mid week we’d gone back to the vet for follow up treatment. I was sat in the car with her waiting to be “buzzed” by the vet so we could enter the premises (this was still lockdown & had to wait in the car).

I was getting agitated, I was also incredibly cold but didn’t want to put the heater on & have puss get too hot. It was windy but the sun was shining. 

I was fiddling with my phone, put the car radio on low, fidgeted in my seat I was all over the place.

I glanced at my beautiful Dapple, sitting in her carrier on the passenger seat bathed in wonderful sunlight which danced off her tortie colours.

INSIGHT 

She was “wind watching”, she was watching the trees blowing this way & that, the birds flitting in & out but most of all she was just being in the moment.

Watching her, I relaxed & then BANG it hit me. 

I realized my thoughts had been racing, I was anywhere but present & especially being present with Dapple.

I put my phone away, turned off the radio & just sat “being” & the calm that came over me was astounding.

I took her back to the vet on the Friday she was to stay overnight as she didn’t seem well at all.  She had lots of tests & scans on the Saturday which threw up so many health issues not even the vet was prepared for.

We were discussing a plan to manage these issues & intended to bring her home on Sunday when later that Saturday she passed away. The vet & his team were just as shocked as us as she’d started to perk up.

My son & I brought her home on the Sunday & laid her to rest with her sister in our front garden & after a lot of tears & questions I decided to do what she taught me. To just “be”.

I did just that, my body relaxed, tears gave way to smiles as my mind was flooded with all the daft funny things she did & I realized how grateful I was that she chose us to be her guardians for 9 wonderful years. 

BEGINNING NOT AN END

Loss to me now means a new beginning. 

Yes, grieve, if you lose someone or a beloved pet, do what you need to do but also see it as something that can make you stronger. 

Just being has taught me so much about myself, just how much I was getting wound up by my thoughts & creating feelings & emotions I didn’t much like.

Dapple’s gift to me was to teach me something so simple yet it has impacted me in ways I never thought possible. 

BEING 

My loss started a new beginning of learning to be.  After all we’re human BEings not human doings.

Just being in the here & now in the very moment is such a gift.  That’s why it’s called “the present”. 

Dapple is also the inspiration behind the blog title. She once got marmalade in her whiskers - but that’s for another post!